The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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