Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
