fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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