p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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