why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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