Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
