the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
