if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
