I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize