pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
