Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
