I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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