he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
