i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
