just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize