He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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