just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
