I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i've created a new STD.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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