I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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