I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
