I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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