Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
