we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
