I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i think we sleep fucked last night...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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