Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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