the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
