Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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