there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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