I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
