You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
