he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
