so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
