You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
