your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
