I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
