I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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