it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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