so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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