the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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