Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
