She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
