About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize