you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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