It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My cat gives me a boner
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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