someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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