Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize