Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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