my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize