Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
