Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
