Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
