@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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