wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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