id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
