talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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