Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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