oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We have so much sex to catch up on
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
