He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
