On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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