i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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