I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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