Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
