my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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