you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's blow job season.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
