am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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