I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
