is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
