I cockslap morals
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize