we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
