dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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