we made out on top of his cat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
