You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
