sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
