Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
