it's too hot outside to masturbate.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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